My LSD trip report, meditating into deeper forms of “reality”
I heard about this LSD similar to Al-Lad, in a podcast. So I kept my eyes open for it, it didn’t happen however for quite a long time.. I also did not know that it was even legal in Germany. I do not drink alcohol since years or take any other drugs, I only considered doing this for spiritual reasons and meditate daily to be stable and content.
One day a friend spontaneously gave me a little portion of 1P-LSD, which is legal in Germany and easy to order through a website. I asked a few people if they want to join, but in the end I just did it alone. As preparation, I again listened to the podcast and read a few websites with trip reports. 150yq seems to be a normal dose, one of the two squares that I had has 100 yq so I decide spontaneously to start with this small dose.
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
In the morning I finish a few things. At 12 noon, I take this paper under my tongue. I clean the room a little bit and take 3 beautiful stones into it. A few old cartons for painting and roll out the yoga mat. I turn on my favourite version of “Nirvana Shatkam” on Youtube. The windows are open, the sun is shining into the room. I sit 10 minutes to meditate and am looking forward to what is coming. I just want to get to know my inner world better, I have confidence and do not think that it will be strong. Everything I’ve heard sounded quite mild. After meditating I make a few Yoga Sun Salutations on the mat. Slowly it starts to kick in, 30 minutes are over. I am still doing Pranayama breath exercices. Now I can hardly concentrate anymore, I only manage to count to 4, more is overwhelming. Everything is pretty bright and intense. The music is pleasant and becomes ever more intense. I spontaneously sing my mantras from Ashtanga Yoga and sing a few Oms, everything changes more and more. I walk a bit through the room and go to the window. Feeling everything extremely intense, the rays of the sun, the sounds – all the senses are totally amplified. The points that I focus on become become deeper and deeper, I no longer have such a broad view. Everything is incredibly beautiful, although in the beginning it looks still normal and is only intensified.
It will get still much stronger, I am still at the beginning. Laying on the bed, I mostly stare in front of me. All I see is moving and decomposing into fragments. They have the form of ocular-like ellipses and merge into one another; everything has an infinite depth of innumerable parts. Everything is moving. Above all, pictures I look at start to move and then continue as a story in my head. Most of the time everything is positive to neutral, definitely fascinating. The stones are incredible, it felt like hours just watching them, completely fascinated. It is as if they were made of small crystals, which are reflected in the light and then split into beautiful fragments. I could cry from fascination. I lie around most of the time and stare and fantasize. Can not describe it all, I am fascinated by “my” body, play with my limbs no matter what I look at, it takes life and is independent. Then I come back at some point and something new begins. The music is ultra-intense, I have never music like that. After Nirvanan Shatkam, Brazilian Ayahuasca comes next by coincidence on youtube and I am drawn into the music piece. Every tone is so intense, I l lose my consciousness completely, and follow a tone in the depths and can not listen to the whole song at all, it has also become independent. At some point it gets too much for me, I turn the music off and listen to the weaker ambient sounds. I am completely dissolved in my environment, with all my senses. I am something, but not what I am normally, this body does not feel like my vehicle, I am rather the whole space, my senses seem to spread. At one point, I look several meters deep into the ground, like I did before on mushrooms. Anyway, very similar like that trip, only much stronger!
My roommates look at me now and then, but I’m quite confused even if they don’t seem to notice. I tell them that I am the whole room. They become part of my experience and how they look and what they say becomes a story in my head on its own. I noticed then that I would ascribe that to them, but that it did not necessarily come from them in the first place. They have rather triggered something in me, no idea what they have said at all. I can hardly look at the two, the faces have a crazy effect on me. Always one eye is bigger, everything I focus on becomes huge and then fades away. I can feel from the inside that my brain halves weirdly cooperate or it feels like they jump from side to side, the eyes are alternating huge. But I do not assess anything, often the situation changes too quickly. Communication is in any case hardly possible, I digress too fast. We talk about time and I realize that I have absolutely no feeling for it. A second later, I am completely lost again at the moment. That is the most craziest feeling ever! A moment seems to spread to different dimensions, which I can unfortunately no longer describe right now. Much more than on mushrooms, I am totally timeless and even thought of time and could not remember how it works in our normal life. I am absolutely disbelieving and feel like I can stretch every moment to infinity. I look at the clock twice, but then I am overwhelmed and can not do anything with it. My whole life in terms of time is extremely ridiculous to me, anyway, I just laugh about everything. So I experience the hallucinations as nothing strange, they come from me and have a life on their own but also somehow not. Everything feels like a deep truth, as if I were able to perceive everything correctly for the first time.
There are several times flies in the room, once even a huge bumblebee. I do not judge anything, looking at them fascinated. Anyway, I am happy about every dust crumble and find nothing negative or disgusting, everything is neutral to totally beautiful. I can reproduce here only approximate, everything is already far away, like a dream. Next time I plan to film everything and describe a few things during the trip.
When I close my eyes it is also very crazy, I see similar forms as if I stare somewhere longer. Elipshaped, like eyes, fragments which become ever deeper. When the eyes are closed, however, the background is black and the lines and fragments are in white light, and they can also become self-sufficient. Most of the forms are beautiful, such as mandalas, faces, shapes, plants, very beautiful pictures. But then I always open my eyes and come back to the room, after a bit of time.
At some point I want to eat and think of a banana. Like on mushrooms I have a lot of saliva in the mouth, although this time I feel no real nausea. I am having the feeling to eat something, even if every decision seems to last hours. I move slowly down in the house, I take forever to open the plastic bag and I’m very fascinated of this beautiful foil. I carry the banana some time through the house and have joy holing it. The idea of opening the banana is far away. I play with her in bed and follow the patterns on her skin and then the patterns on the bed sheets and then the patterns on the ceiling, the beams … Can barely perform any actions, I always lose myself in everything. I even talk to the banana, I really want to open it up. Somehow my roommate helps me and opens it for me. Its still lying around forever, until I finally eat it. The taste is overwhelming. Every bite takes forever. I can absolutely not understand why else in our life everything always goes so fast and I think about this. It’s like I’ve forgotten my life, my trip is like reprogramming everything. I have only vague memories. I do not judge anything except how I seem to live otherwise! After the banana I start to eat a few nuts with raisins, the food is super intensive and delicious. But I also have moments where I question the chewing and suddenly feel like I chew myself. I’m unsure if I’m chewing on my mouth or if I have the feeling that the nuts are part of me. But I then leave the chewing again to the usual automatism, as I always do it and then it runs again by itself. Is definitely a very funny feeling, seemingly I question on LSD automated processes and take them apart and then I am confused as if I had to learn it again.
I look in the mirror several times and experience crazy things. I don’t see my face as a whole, rather individual parts at once huge and they then go deeply. It becomes also unpleasantly detailed so I look away. I’m fascinated by my eyes even when they change in size. As I walk back a few steps, Mandalas form around my head. I can see the eyes in a circle turning out like a big kaleidoscope mandala, pretty crazy. Anyway, much is like in a kaleidoscope!
Somehow I find myself on the toilet, I have no idea how. At the time, everything is crazy and I am completely dissolved, no idea how and where. I do not rate it, I am very unconscious. The time goes partly back and forth, as in a loop. Things happen twice and then backwards. I sit on the toilet, no more feeling of gravity. This is not my body, I have the feeling that the urine flows upwards and then again down. The weirdest is the using of toilet paper, it just happens but that is not me. The moment repeats, there is no present, as in several matrixes. Nevertheless, I function as automatically. After that, I still have some moments where the moment stretches as in all directions, there is no down and up, I am not orientated, and the concept of gravity does definitly not fit anymore. I lie on the bed, the world is more coming out of me, I am the center of everything, it is in all directions around me. I am totally one with the space, there are no limits, everything is part of me. I just leave everything, have no more control, am no body or person any more. I have moments where I wonder how long it will still go, but at the same time let go completely. The guys think I would slowly return to normal but they can not see what’s going on inside me. To leave the room alone would completely overwhelm me, I am totally flooded by impressions and hardly want to leave the bed. I just get up sometimes and walk around or look out the window. The sun slowly goes down, the light changes. This is my only feeling of time. In between, I lose consciousness completely, I can’t remember myself. This description is, in any case, only fragments, as everything was decomposed into fragments.
I start to draw a little after about 5 hours. Like fragments and mandalas, but whatI can’t put on paper what I see, only approximate. More and more I am philosophizing when I slowly come back to reality. I am totally disbelieving how we normally experience time! Letters, alphabets? There are questions and answers in our lives, and we find that normal? We have a room and property with which we identify? I feel like an alien, it does not seem normal to me. We do the same fast things every day and do not experience every moment like hours ?? We have bank accounts and mobile phones? I? Body? I a feaking out inside, but more and more, the space returns to my perception. I still have hallucinations. I’m half half, totally interesting. I can not imagine to be again “normal”, on LSD I felt normal, I felt right. Although I was aware that I was not survivable on it… More and more I come back, even go down and talk, it like I’m normal again. But then my ribs totally hurt, I have to lie down, being overwhelmed by all the voices.
OUT OUT MY MIND
The most exciting thing for me is this completely new experience of time and dimensions, I find it very interesting to reflect my life from this perspective. I’ve got an infinite number of automated perceptions in my life, LSD once mixed them and turned everything upside down. To feel this feeling being one with all and not to identify with anything and to evaluate nothing is just incredibly fascinating. Meditation and mindfulness already determine my life and LSD has inspired me in this direction, to question everything and to slow down my life and look closely. I had similar moments to this when beeing sober only in meditation and meditation retreats, where I found myself sometimes completely weightless and resolved and fascinated over my hands, my body and the world.1